10 Things I Wish I Knew as a Mom Navigating Kids’ Feeding and Breathing Issues
If you’re a mama struggling with your kids’ feeding and breathing issues, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there—through the sleepless nights, the endless doctor visits, the frustration of being dismissed, and the heavy burden of wondering if I was missing something. Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known. I want to share these lessons with you in the hope that they’ll give you some clarity, comfort, and actionable steps to help you navigate this difficult journey.
When my kids were at their worst, I felt like I was failing them. It seemed like every feeding attempt ended in tears (theirs and mine), and every trip to the doctor brought more questions than answers. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared. But I also learned how resilient I could be. Slowly, with trial, error, and a lot of support, I began to find pieces of the puzzle. This list is what I wish I could have told myself in those dark moments—the advice I needed to keep going when it all felt like too much.
1. If You Think Something Is Wrong, Trust Yourself
One of the hardest lessons I learned is that you know your child best. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, don’t let anyone dismiss you. Whether it’s a pediatrician waving off your concerns as colic or well-meaning friends telling you to “wait it out,” trust that inner voice. Keep searching for answers—you are your child’s best advocate. It can be hard, and emotional, but you are responsible for your little. And, there is nothing worse than them struggling or being in pain. You’ve got this.
2. Colic Is Not a Diagnosis
It’s a term we hear all too often: colic. But let me tell you, colic doesn’t explain why your baby is crying endlessly, struggling to latch, or sounding like they’re gasping for air. It’s a catch-all term that doesn’t address underlying issues. And, most of the time, it is because your kids’ feeding and breathing issues are not yet identified. Seek out specialists like pediatric ENTs, gastroenterologists, or functional medicine doctors who can help dig deeper into the root causes. For us, it was a combination of a lip and tongue tie and food allergies, and it was completely missed with our first child. The agony of having a child cry for hours on end, day after day, is something I cannot explain to a parent who has not experienced it. And, its not okay.
3. Advocacy Is Non-Negotiable
No one will fight for your child like you will. Advocacy means asking questions, pushing for second opinions, and sometimes making waves in the healthcare system. A tool that helped me tremendously was using pre-written advocacy scripts when communicating with healthcare providers. Having the right words can make a world of difference in getting the help your child needs.
(Check out my Advocacy Scripts resource for tips on how to communicate with your child’s care team.)
4. Find an IBCLC Early
If your baby is struggling to latch or seems uncomfortable while feeding, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) can be a game-changer. They specialize in breastfeeding challenges and can help identify issues like tongue ties or oral dysfunction that might otherwise go unnoticed. For us, it was so critical that we had support, and I sought out an IBCLC for all three of my babies. You know that saying; once you know one baby, you know one baby. And, that was definitely the case in my experience. Bonus, our IBCLC is who introduced us to our allergy and immunology doctor, and taught us about a much more expanded form of food allergies, along with connecting with our pediatric dentist for our before and after care treatment post-tongue and lip tie. So, there are so many benefits!
(Visit the IBCLC directory to find one near you.)
5. Functional Medicine Doctors Can Offer Hope
Functional doctors often approach feeding and breathing issues differently than traditional pediatricians. They look for root causes and focus on holistic solutions, including allergies, sensitivities, or structural concerns. Many functional medicine doctors do take insurance, so don’t hesitate to explore this option.
6. Build Your Community, Even When It Feels Impossible
Feeling isolated is one of the hardest parts of this journey, but your community can make all the difference. I found mine through unexpected places: my chiropractor, pelvic floor therapist, and massage therapist. These providers not only helped me care for myself but connected me with other moms and trusted professionals who became my lifeline. Seek out local mom groups, online forums, or even supportive providers who can introduce you to their network.
7. Take Care of Yourself First
You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s okay to ask for help, step away for a moment, or prioritize your well-being. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for you to be the best advocate and caregiver for your child. This one is really hard for me to look back on now. I completely neglected myself during the pit of my despair when going through some major dark times in my journey with my kiddos – especially on the breathing issue side. I was in fight or flight all of the time. Things that have helped me now, as I am more on the other side of this, are functional doctors for myself, vitamins, massage, and Pure Barre. Yes, this has been my GREATEST outlet and my opportunity to build community. If you have not tried it, and you need a place with just women who are positive and encouraging, and well, good for the soul? Check to see if there is a location near you.
8. Find Providers Who Truly Listen
It’s okay to switch doctors or specialists if they’re dismissive or not providing answers. Look for a care team that listens, supports, and validates your concerns. This may include pediatricians, ENTs, feeding therapists, or others who are open to exploring non-traditional avenues. We have found that kids’ feeding and breathing issues knowledge and identification are really not as widespread knowledge-base amongst practitioners, which is SCARY. They are not trained to support families often times when things are not obvious our out of the box. Which has been completely the case with my children. I feel like every time they are in a spot where the doctor has “never seen it before” or doesn’t know whats wrong. That means you have to be willing to switch or seek out someone who will help you get to the bottom of it or connect you with others that will.
9. Feeding and Breathing Issues Often Go Hand-in-Hand
One thing I wish I had known earlier is how interconnected feeding and breathing issues can be. Difficulty latching or noisy breathing can signal structural problems like a tongue tie or enlarged adenoids. Don’t hesitate to explore evaluations from feeding therapists or pediatric specialists, especially dentists and even in my case as they got older, speciality orthodontists.
10. It’s Okay to Feel Overwhelmed—You’re Doing Enough
On the hardest days, remind yourself: You are doing your best. You may not have all the answers right now, but the love and dedication you have for your child is what matters most. Take it one day at a time, and don’t be afraid to lean on others for support.
Closing Thoughts
This journey isn’t just about solving your child’s feeding and breathing issues; it’s also about learning to trust yourself, finding your voice, and building the village you need to keep going. You are not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. Every step you take, every call you make, every appointment you schedule—those are acts of love, and they matter.
I wish I could sit across from you, hand you a cup of coffee, and tell you face-to-face that you’re doing an amazing job. But since I can’t, please know that this blog is here to be that place of comfort and encouragement. Lean into these lessons, and know that you are enough—more than enough—for your child.
(Ready to take the first step? Take my free quiz to identify feeding and breathing issues and start building your action plan today.)
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